2025. 7. 31.
A Journey Through Memories and Longing

My mother, who passed away two years ago, continues to appear in my dreams. Her death came as a surprise because she was a fit 79-year-old woman who balanced caring for my disabled father with an active social life. The three of us lived in the same house for the last 25 years. As my parents' only child, I helped my mother with my father's demanding care. When I was young, we lived in a much more valuable house in an attractive neighborhood known as "Professors' Hill," but my parents sold that house when I moved away. I then lived in another country for a few years. Selling the beautiful house was ill-considered, perhaps a sudden impulse on my father's part. It was not in my mother's nature to protest. In the last months of her life, our former house came up in our conversations as a painful topic. I regret allowing this to happen today because she clearly felt guilty about her and my father selling a valuable property that could have been passed on to me. Last night, I dreamed that it was a dark winter afternoon even though it is summer here now. My mother and I were looking at old books in an antique bookstore. One of the books had the short title About Me, and we were amused by the strange topics the old books dealt with. Suddenly, we found ourselves on "Professors' Hill," where we passed our old house. I walked around the old garden and looked through a window while my mother walked ahead to catch the downtown bus. I didn't see the current owners of the house because they had obviously gone to bed for the night. When I returned to the road, I saw my mother far ahead. I jogged to catch up with her, but she disappeared into a crowd of elderly people. By the time I reached the bus stop, she was nowhere to be seen. I concluded that she had left without waiting for me.
Dreams involving deceased loved ones can be particularly poignant, often stirring deep emotions within us. In your dream, your mother’s presence may symbolize unresolved feelings surrounding her passing, your shared history, and the transitions in your life.
Symbolism in the Dream
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The Antique Bookstore:
- The antique bookstore signifies a search for knowledge, understanding, and perhaps closure. Books often represent the stories of our lives, memories, and the wisdom that can be gleaned from our past. The title "About Me" may reflect a desire to explore your own identity in relation to your mother and the choices made in your family’s history. The amusement you felt together could represent cherished memories of the light-hearted moments you shared, contrasting with the heaviness of your current feelings about her loss.
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Dark Winter Afternoon in Summer:
- The dark winter atmosphere may symbolize feelings of sadness, nostalgia, and longing. Winter often represents stagnation or a pause in life, reflecting perhaps how you still mourn her presence. It also signals the contrast between your current life (summer) and the emotions tied to her memory (winter). The timelessness of winter can suggest that the feelings of loss have not faded as they might during warmer, brighter months.
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Professors’ Hill and the Old House:
- This signifies a return to your roots and grappling with memories tied to significant life changes. The house, once a symbol of comfort and family stability, now embodies regret and guilt. The fact that it was a painful topic in her last months indicates unresolved feelings on both sides. By walking around the old garden and looking through a window, you may be yearning to reconnect with the past and revisit your childhood, potentially seeking answers or resolution regarding your mother’s feelings about the house and her life choices.
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Chasing Your Mother:
- This act of jogging to catch up with her represents a desire to reconnect. It highlights your yearning for her presence and the feeling of loss when she disappears. The crowd of elderly people could symbolize the passage of time and the impermanence of life. Your mother’s sudden disappearance into the crowd may mirror feelings of helplessness or anxiety about the quicker pace of life after her death, leaving you struggling to keep up with your emotions.
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The Bus Stop:
- The bus stop can represent a point of transition or decision. Waiting for a bus often indicates a pause in one’s journey, a time to reflect on past choices before moving forward. This could symbolize your feelings towards moving on from her death while still dealing with unresolved emotions and regrets. Her departure without you can also signify how, despite your close relationship, you’re now navigating life in a different way—alone.
Overall Interpretation
This dream speaks to the intricate bond you had with your mother and addresses the emotional complexities tied to loss, regret, and self-identity. The repeated appearances of your mother in dreams may be her way of encouraging you to confront these unresolved emotions. As you reminisce about shared memories through positive and painful lenses, this dream suggests a pathway to reconciliation with your past.
You may consider using reflective practices, such as journaling your thoughts and feelings about your mother, engaging in conversations with supportive friends or therapists, or exploring art forms that express your grief. Ultimately, it's about embracing the love she gave you while also honoring your path forward.